WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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