some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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