Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
