I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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