I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.