What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole