So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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