IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
