you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
