I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
