david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
