i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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