I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
