; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
