He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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