hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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