I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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