these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
