better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
