I hate all girls vehemently.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
