next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize