Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize