Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i think i just lost a toe
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
