I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize