u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
