i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
