i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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