I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
