wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
