too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
