Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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