a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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