So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
