The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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