That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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