The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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