i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
