I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
