dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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