dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...