I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize