I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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