I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
