My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
