Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
