My nipple is on Facebook.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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