your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
