At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
