I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
