She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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