I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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