Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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