Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
