he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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