Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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