Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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