If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
