Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize