I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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