i jhust puked up my retainher.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
