It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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