the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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