Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize