I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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